Hope House Savannah

DURING a long spell of dry weather we were lucky enough to collect some water from a brief shower in our rainwater butt. I was about to fill my watering-can from this welcome sup­ply when my husband appeared.

“Shouldn’t we save that,” he said, “for a rainy day?” —Mrs Joan Burt, Halesworth, Suffolk

ON holiday in New Zealand a few years ago, I attended a re-enactment of the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi, when the Maoris ceded sovereignty to the Crown.

Tattooed, fierce-faced warriors, clad in traditional battle dress, performed the haka, the Maori war dance. As they brought the proceedings to a close with a blood-curdling yell, I felt sure their minds must be far away in the past. Then I overheard one warrior ask his companion : “Anything worth watching on the telly tonight?”

—Mrs C. Gurley, Barby, Warwickshire

AS IDENTICAL twins, my sister and I have always been amused at the con­fusion brought on by two people who look exactly alike. One day, she turn­ed the joke on me when she said casually, “Oh, I ran into an old boy­friend yesterday, and I looked abso­lutely awful.”

“How embarrassing,” I replied sympathetically.

“Not really,” she replied. “I told him I was you.”   —Diane Letuli

PAUSING by his new secretary’s desk, the head of our department asked, “Why are you still here? It’s 5.15.”

“I want to get these papers filed,” she answered somewhat nervously.

“Why not do them tomorrow?”

“There would be twice as many in the morning,” she sighed. “If you leave two pieces of paper together on a desk overnight, they breed.”           —R. z.

WHEN I was a curate in South Lon­don, I had to make an unfamiliar bus journey one day, and followed our route on a map to make sure I got off at the right place.

When the bus conductor noticed what I was doing, he decided to join in—to the surprise of regular travel­lers. Instead of shouting the familiar local landmarks at each stop, he began calling out : “St Matthew’s Church,” “Methodist Church,” “Christian Sci­ence Reading Room,” and “Salvation Army Citadel.”

—The Rev John Meek, Canterbury, Kent

AFTER a particularly energetic session of Greek dancing at our weekly class, one elderly but sprightly gentleman remarked : “just call me Zorba the Creak.” . Thomas, London SWI7

THE problem of crowded housing conditions may have been solved by one of our neighbours. She was busy applying light green paint to the black walls inside her garage, when I com­mented that the lighter colour would make the garage seem larger. “I do hope so,” she said. “We really need the extra space.” —Mrs Richard Holbrook

I HAD just entered our local sub-post office with my small dog firmly at­tached to a lead when I saw a “Dogs Not Allowed” notice displayed on the door. Turning to the postmistress, I apologized for bringing my dog.

“I don’t mind the ones on leads with their owners,” she replied. “The notice is for those big dogs who come in on their own.”

—Miss J. Dearden, Swansea, Glamorgan

MY 26-year-old husband was coming in for a good bit of teasing at the office because he was going to have his ton­sils out. I managed to view the matter seriously, and assured my husband that his co-workers were insensitive fools—until this preparatory letter arrived from the hospital:

“Dear Bruce : We are looking for­ward to your visit with us. Mummy and Daddy may stay with you until hpm. You may bring your favourite toy to he tucked up in bed with you. Don’t forget your toothbrush and pyjamas.’   —Andrea Johnson

Outs young son was learning to play the clarinet, but progress was slow and he continued to produce excruciating sounds.

Eventually, for the sake of our sanity, we banished him to the garden for his daily practice session.

The neighbours seemed most under­standing—until the day when one of them greeted him kindly

What are you going to be if we let you grow up?”

—Maurice Walker, Ackworth, West Yorkshire

WHILE I stood watching a lion and a lioness asleep in their cage at London Zoo, a man, accompanied by a small boy, put a coin in the tape-recorder which describes the animals.

As the child listened, the lion rolled over, yawned, then stood up and roar­ed loudly. The boy, delighted, pointed to the still-sleeping lioness and ex­claimed : “Put another one in, Dad !”

—R, Roper, Worthing, West Sussex